The Thief of All Joy

Is comparison the thief of all joy?

It is often quoted that “comparison is the thief of all joy,” but is it. I became interested in this question when I recently worked with a talented female leader in the construction industry. She had recently been promoted to a senior role within one of the company’s high profile divisions and had started to doubt herself. The basis for her doubt was a form of upward social comparison, comparing herself to other leaders on the executive team that had been doing their jobs for many years. In comparing herself, new to role, with these seasoned leaders she had become wracked with doubt and this was impacting not only her belief in herself but also her performance on the job.

But why do we socially compare?

Social comparison is a normal part of being human that traces right back to our mammalian ancestry. Our limbic systems in our brains are wired for social dominance, to understand where we stand on the pecking order of life. When we compare favourably to others we receive a shot of the neurochemical, serotonin which feels good and tells us it is safe to assert ourselves in that environment. The challenge comes when we compare unfavourably against others and we receive a shot of the neurochemical, cortisol which triggers us to be alert for danger and in the worst instances to retreat into ourselves.

So what can we do about it?

It would be too easy to suggest that we should look for weaker people to compare ourselves with but that strategy would not give the long term outcomes we would anticipate. Whilst we may feel an immediate surge in wellness from asserting ourselves, over the long run this may lead to social isolation from the group and that comes with negative side effects as are brains are wired to forge connection and in such isolation we receive cortisol too.

Here are some tips that can help you with the challenges of social comparison:

1. Take regular social media breaks so as to avoid the daily onslaught of social comparison.
2. Become aware of those moments when you are involved in social comparison and hit the pause button.
3. Take stock and appreciate the strengths that you have at your disposal.
4. Use yourself as a yardstick to measure your performance improvement over time.